If I knew then what I know now.

I don't know if it's a symptom of approaching life's twilight years, but I do seem to spend some of my spare thinking time reflecting on my history. It's amazing how much I can recall from the dim and distant past, for example the names of friends at primary school and yet I very often forget what I did last week! The functioning of the brain and in particularly it's memory, is fascinating and will perhaps feature in a future blog but on this occasion I want to share some of my past experiences and in particular the application of that well-worn phrase, 'If I knew then what I know now.'

OK, you might be thinking this is just a 'with the benefit of hindsight' feature but that is not my intention. Closer to the mark would probably be 'growing older and wiser', but again I don't want that to be the sole message retained by the readers. I am only just coming to grips with the complexity of life and understanding some of the previously-missing pieces of life's jig saw puzzle. So yes, I am wiser now than I was, say, forty years ago and my current knowledge base should mean that I am better-equipped to deal with some of the challenges that I faced in my youth, but I don't have the energy now to tackle some of the key issues of yesteryear that moulded my journey through life. It's the determination of life's journey that really does interest me because it is affected by every choice, every action, right or wrong. Who is to judge the correctness of our actions, what is right, what is wrong, what is the truth? We are where we are because of the decisions that we took, over which we had varying degrees of control, and because of the decisions of others, over which we had varying degrees of influence, and a whole host of day-to-day evolutionary events, over which we have absolutely no control or influence. Against this background of chaotic uncertainty, why do I think the past could have benefited from me knowing then what I know now?

At this point I am going to extol the virtues of systems thinking, which I can best describe by John Muir's quote: "When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world". So systems thinking is all about interconnectivity. Interconnection not just in space but also in time. Peter Senge in his book The Fifth Discipline, said: "Cause and effect are not closely related in time and space". I believe this truism is very often ignored at all ages but is most likely, through experience, to be appreciated in later years. Certainly that is true in my case and how I wish my systemic thinking could have played a prominent part on my earlier years, in family, social and business affairs.

Clearly there is more to systems thinking than understanding the complexities of cause and effect, but when I look back at some of my bad decisions, a common thread of impulsiveness, quick fix, instant gratification....etc, seems to run through some of my bad 'life choices'. That said, and this is where I am in danger of contradicting the entirety of this blog thus far, I am perfectly happy with my lot. I want for no more emotionally or materially and I am where I am because of all my past good and bad decisions! So what could have been different? Well maybe I might have got to my current paradise quicker! Who knows, I could explore a plethora of hypotheses until the cows come home.

At the beginning of this blog I said I would share some of my experiences. Well here's a couple, one from the world of business and another from my social life.

In the commercial world, those who run businesses are driven by the 'bottom line', doing everything possible to maximise short-term profitability, often at the expense of longer-term performance. 'If I knew then....' I wouldn't have succumbed to short-term pressures unless I could reconcile in my own mind there were no other adverse ramifications, in time or space. Who knows what impact that would have had on my career, but I still believe it is wrong to do things you know are wrong.

In my social life, selfishness and short-term gratification have been my major vices coupled with being too easily influenced by others. The student excesses of boozing, smoking and partying (but never drugs) went on far too long, way beyond college days, and had a negative impact on some social and family relationships in my mid-life years. 'If I knew then....' I would have questioned my social habits much earlier and tried to live a more balanced and altruistic life. We share this planet with billions of humans and other species so for a balanced society we surely can't always put ourselves first.

So that's it guys, I don't know what my hypothetical different life would have done for me or others and I'm more than happy with what I've got. But I'm hopefully not at the end of the road yet and so maybe I can practice what I preach in the concluding chapters of Alan's biography!